I have come to know Ash Wednesday as the time to draw nearer to my âsoulâs insistent yearning.â That can be a frightening prospect, so I always approach Ash Wednesday with a bit of reticence, meeting the day with the self-awareness that I am trying to keep my distance from my âsoulâs insistent yearning.â Being closer to oneâs soul can well be a disconcerting proposition, but a necessary one. Ash Wednesday presents me with entry into the season of Lent.
I cherish Lentâs forty days, actually, always expecting change to happen in my soul and spirit. And yet, the prospect of repentance, renewal, transformation â and ultimately a personal resurrection â always disquiets me.
How will I spend Ash Wednesday?
How will I approach the day
that will open the gate of Lent before me?
I have always thought of Lent as a spiritual journey we take alone, a solitary season of introspection and self-reflection during which we contemplate our own spiritual well-being and our relationship with God. For me, Lent has often been alone work.
So I make my Lenten journey into my alone places. I will know that God will abide with me, comforting me in my self-reflection, in my penitence and in my repentance. I will be mindful this Lent of my need to reach into my soul in search of places needing healing, constant and long-time wounds of the soul and spirit. I will search for the traces of my sinfulness, finding in my heart the will to seek sincere penitence, the sad and humble realization of and regret for my misdeeds. I will move beyond penitence to repentance as I resolve to change and to experience transformation.
How will I spend Ash Wednesday?
In whatever way I am able, I will receive ashes on my forehead imposed in a sign of the cross. I will recall the words, âRemember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.â I will utter as my prayer, the words of Scripture, âCreate in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.â (Psalm 51:10)
As for the actual ashes, I have often wiped them off while in public. I never knew why, just that I was uncomfortable when others saw the cross of ash on my forehead. Perhaps I needed to keep my spiritual practice to myself, or hide the reality of my search for repentance. Years ago, I came across these words, spoken by Sr. Mary Ann Walsh, RSM:
We can feel a little funny with ashes on our foreheads, but for Catholics, thatâs how we mark the start of Lent. Ashes donât say weâre holy. They say we are sinners. They donât say we are perfect, only that weâre willing to try. They donât say weâre models of religiosity, but they do say we belong. In todayâs world of loners and isolates, that says a lot.
~ Sr. Mary Ann Walsh, RSM
The essential truth, and gift, of Ash Wednesday is its call to come to terms with ourselves before God. Ash Wednesday says what so much of modern culture denies, namely that we are forever deceiving and justifying ourselves about our sinfulness. So on this day, when we contemplate our sins, when we pay attention to the ash on our foreheads, when we enter into Lentâs forty days, we must make prayer our utmost spiritual intention. So I pray we might embrace our Christian community that we might journey together for these forty days, praying for one another, seeking together the serenity, the reflection and the transformation of Lent, as all the while, we lean into our âsoulâs insistent yearning.â
In that spirit of prayer, I hope you will take with you into Lent with this beautiful prayer from Rabbi Naomi Levy:
The rabbi in me would like to offer a prayer for you.
I pray you will learn to see you life as a meaningful story.
I pray you will learn to listen to your soulâs insistent yearning.
I pray you will learn to believe you can transform your life.
I pray you will learn to live and shine inside your imperfect life
and find meaning and joy right where you are.
Most of all I pray you will uncover a great miracle:Â your extra-ordinary life.
~ From Hope Will Find You by Rabbi Naomi Levy
Most importantly, pray yourself into Lent in the few days we have before Ash Wednesday. Seek Godâs heart and seek the depths of your own heart and your âsoulâs insistent yearning.â May you know Godâs presence as you begin your Lenten journey.