Tag: Self-reflection

Courage, Emerging new, Guilt, I am enough!, Internal conflict, Introspection, life, Light, Psalm 139, Re-claiming self, Sacred Worth, Self Awareness, Self-understanding, Women

When Light Runs Wild

kathymfindley

There are days! Don’t you have those troublesome days when feeling good about yourself seems impossible? I am guessing we all have those days, because there are just too darn many things about ourselves we don’t feel very good about. What are those things? you might ask.

“I missed that deadline.”
“I was too irritable with the kids.”
“I hate my hair.”
“I have gained far too much weight.”
“I have made a mess of my life.”

The list of what we don’t like, or even what we loathe, about ourselves can be a long one, and when we ponder such a list for very long, we can develop a skewed image of ourselves. Fortunately, many of us have been able to see that the person we really are can be measured on many levels, far more important levels than, say, appearance.
Maturity helps, and aging has a way of putting all that negative ”stuff” about me in a box that I keep locked. And the key, well, I threw that key in a river!

What’s left is definitely a healthier perspective that allows me to look at myself in different ways and to make kinder conclusions. I have learned over decades that my image of myself is important, that I have to see my self with accepting eyes and that self-deprecating thoughts have the power to bring me to the edge of despondency.

. . . aging has a way of putting all that negative “stuff” about me in a box that I keep locked. And the key, well, I threw that key in a river!

kmf


Still those days come, bringing me a boatload of reasons to detest myself. There is a certain season of life in which self-flagellation is downright dangerous, wielding power over your life in very destructive ways. You’ll likely know it when you have reached that season of life — you know, the season when you can actually go out without make-up, wear a blouse two days in a row, love yourself for the whole person you are and wearing black support stockings in public, having convinced yourself that they really are stylish!

I don’t know about you, but I have to admit that I do have just a tad of trouble wearing support hose in public. That tells me that I need help, that I do not adequately value myself as a rule, that I still believe that my appearance defines me and that I need a shove to get to the point of loving who I am.

I don’t know about you, but I have to admit that I do have just a tad of trouble wearing support hose in public. That tells me that I need help, that I do not adequately value myself as a rule, that I still believe that my appearance defines me and that I need a shove to get to the point of loving who I am.



There is no better place to seek help with that than in the words of the psalmist in the 139th Psalm that say so much about how God created us and how God knows us inside and out. The Psalm tells us that we are ”fearfully and wonderfully made.” (v.14)

And then there are the inspiring words of artist and writer morgan harper nichols that so inspire me towards love, courage, audacity and the Light that runs wild within me, the Light that shines through my darkness and never goes out.

and  perhaps 
what  made  her  beautiful 
was  not  her  appearance
or  what  she  achieved
but  in  her love
and in  her  courage,
and  her  audacity
to  believe 
no matter
the darkness
around her,
Light  ran  wild
within  her,
and  that  was  the  way
she  came  alive, 
and  it  showed  up
in  everything.
— morgan harper nichols

May you have the strength to navigate those days when darkness threatens your light. May you love yourself and dig deep for the courage and audacity that frees you and lets the Light run wild within you!

Self Awareness, Self care, Self-understanding, Soul, Wisdom, Women

203 PILLS! PLUS WISE AND WONDERFUL WOMEN

kathymfindley

 

71C9865D-0EF8-482D-B6E0-CBA6F36196B9Two hundred and three pills!
Twenty-eight injections!
Fourteen inhalations and fourteen nasal sprays!

Every week!

But I am most focused on the 203 pills — every week! Presumably it takes that many to keep my body from rejecting my kidney and keep me otherwise healthy. 

203 pills! Insignificant when I explore the state of my soul — what lies inside there, what its longings are, what has become of its dreams and, most of all, whether or not I am carefully and gently tending to it. A healthy body is important, of course, but I have been thinking more and more about how to keep my soul healthy. In some ways, that’s harder. And harder to explain.

So rather than launching into a chorus of my own words about how I might care for my soul, I looked to the words of my sisters —  near and far, from the past and the present. There I found the depths of wisdom I needed on this day. So clear and true it is that so many women possess an extraordinary depth of wisdom. Their voices speak their truth, and sometimes ours. Their voices call us to stand taller and to rise higher. They call us to dream and to reach into our souls to find our dreams. These wise and wonderful women invite us to care for our souls. So hear their voices and listen for whispers that give strength to your soul.

Get in touch with and resurrect the free spirit deep inside me. Being one with the spirit allowed me to soar above my everyday reality. I marveled at the beauty of all life and savored the power and possibilities of my imagination.   — Maria Nhambu

Of all the paths you take, follow only those where your heart is wide open, mind enriched and your soul learns to dance.   — Nikki Rowe

A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.   — Maya Angelou

We were willing to explore and be surprised. Willing to trust that there was beauty out there and love and joy. Ready to have our hearts touched and our souls hugged.   — Meara O’Hara

You will never see me surrender, never see me cry, but you will often see me walk away. Turn around and just leave, without looking back.   — Charlotte Eriksson

Big spirits don’t fit in small spaces.Our energy is built for open fields and wide places, room to breathe — room to grow. Room to live authentically and room to roam.   — Nikki Rowe

I am homesick for a place where silence is the only language, love is the only religion, and freedom is not something to be fought for….  — Samiha Totanji

When we discover who we are We will be free   — Mimi Novic

I never said it was easy to find your place in this world, but I’m coming to the conclusion that if you seek to please others, you will forever be changing because you will never be yourself, only fragments of someone you could be. You need to belong to yourself, and let others belong to themselves too. You need to be free.   — Charlotte Eriksson

We have not been abandoned. We have, perhaps, in that leaving been given the gift of ourselves in a new, deeper, and more lasting way.
― Macrina Wiederkehr

If you’re always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be.   — Maya Angelou

I know that no one is my judge. I live according to my own conscience and value discernment which is governed by Holy Spirit. I know my intentions and I walk my path with a clear conscience.   —  Mishi McCoy

The truth is, in order to heal we need to tell our stories and have them witnessed…The story itself becomes a vessel that holds us up, that sustains, that allows us to order our jumbled experiences into meaning. As I told my stories of fear, awakening, struggle, and transformation and had them received, heard, and validated by other women, I found healing.   — Sue Monk Kidd

You can’t put a leash on me. I’m unleashable!   — Tiffany Winfree

All too often we bemoan our imperfections rather than embrace them as part of the process in which we are brought to God. Cherished emptiness gives God space in which to work. We are pure capacity for God. Let us not, then, take our littleness lightly. It is a wonderful grace. It is a gift to receive. At the same time, let us not get trapped in the confines of our littleness, but keep pushing on to claim our greatness. Remind yourself often, “I am pure capacity for God; I can be more.”   ― Macrina Wiederkehr

you got to figure out which end of the needle you’re gon be, the one that’s fastened to the thread or the end that pierces the cloth.   — Sue Monk Kidd

Steal my wild heart, but do not ask me to live under an umbrella when I like being soaked by the rain.   — Jacqueline Simon Gunn

Honeybees depend not only on physical contact with the colony, but also require it’s social companionship and support. Isolate a honeybee from her sisters and she will soon die.   — Sue Monk Kidd

I’ve never been a woman who will settle to fit in, i’d always have rathered find a little world all on my own. If people come they come and if they go they go, but for me staying authentic to my soul’s purpose is all i’ll ever know.  — Nikki Rowe

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.   — Maya Angelou

You have to find a mother inside yourself. We all do. Even if we already have a mother, we still have to find this part of ourselves inside.  — Sue Monk Kidd

Do you want to paint your life using two colors (good and bad) or do you want to paint the best piece of your life with colors beyond your wildest imagination?   — Helen Edwards

There is no place so awake and alive as the edge of becoming. But more than that, birthing the kind of woman who can authentically say, “My soul is my own,” and then embody it in her life, her spirituality, and her community is worth the risk and hardship.   — Sue Monk Kidd

It’s an unquietness I feel deep inside. It’s not about being extraordinary, you see. It’s not about standing out. It’s simply about shedding all that’s false. And believing with everything I have that you can too.   — Jacqueline Simon Gunn

When it’s time to die, go ahead and die, and when it’s time to live, live. Don’t sort-of-maybe live, but live like you’re going all out, like you’re not afraid.
— Sue Monk Kidd

Let your life reflect the faith you have in God. Fear nothing and pray about everything. Be strong, trust God’s word, and trust the process.
— Germany Kent

The cage wasn’t insignificant in the shaping of my wings, stillness is an experience only the deep souls can go. A quiet solitude in the midst of it all. A getting to know yourself once more.   — Nikki Rowe

O God, help me to believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.   ― Macrina Wiederkehr

You’ve got to trust yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Listen to yourself.You’re the only person who can get you through this now. You’re the only one who can survive your story, the only one who can write your future. All you’ve got to do, when you’re ready, is stand up, {and begin again.}.  — Tessa Shaffer

Journal became a sanctuary where I could pour out in honesty my pain and joy. It recorded my footsteps and helped me understand where I was standing, where I had been, and even where God pointed.   — Sue Monk Kidd

Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands.   — Brené Brown

Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire!
— St. Catherine of Siena

That’s the sacred intent of life, of God — to move us continuously toward growth, toward recovering all that is lost and orphaned within us and restoring the divine image imprinted on our soul.  — Sue Monk Kidd

The seasons of my heart change like the seasons of the fields. There are seasons of wonder and hope, seasons of suffering and love, seasons of healing. There are seasons of dying and rising, seasons of faith.
― Macrina Wiederkehr

You only need to lose track of who you are, or who you thought you were supposed to be, so that you end up lying flat on the dirt floor basement of your heart. Do this, Jesus says, and you will live.  — Barbara Brown Taylor

I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.   — Brené Brown

Without the burden of afflictions it is impossible to reach the height of grace.  The gift of grace increases as the struggle increases.   — St. Rose of Lima

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.  — Brené Brown

I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again … there is only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.   — Barbara Brown Taylor

Go forth in peace, for you have followed the good road. Go forth without fear, for he who created you has made you holy, has always protected you, and loves you as a mother.   — St. Clare of Assisi

For these wise women, O God, we give you thanks.
For their words, so full of grace, we are grateful.

For those we call our sisters, we ask your presence — in their days of light and in their dark nights of the soul.

Heal us, God our Mother, and give us grace for the living of these days.
Heal us, God our Father, and give us courage for the living of these days.
Heal us, Jesus, and walk beside us as we heal the world just as you urged us to do.
Heal us, Spirit, and give us your wind and fire — to live, to stand, to persist — to heal the souls of others as we heal our own souls. Amen.

 


599FBE6C-0696-46CC-B8F3-19823066126BThis blog post is dedicated to the memory of my friend, Sister Macrina Wiederkehr, a wise and wonderful woman who left us this year and is now walking among “trees full of angels.”

Complaints, Contemplation, Courage, Discovering, Emotions, Introspection, life, Mental health, Mindfulness, Reflection, Self Awareness, Vulnerability

What’s Underneath?

kathymfindley

A07A5421-F042-40D4-A143-32391BBC79FBToday, a friend’s blog posed a provocative question. It was provocative enough to stop me in my tracks. Likely, I was right in the middle of a tirade of complaints when this question challenged me. This was the question: “If I let go of my complaints, what might be underneath?” *

The question presented a plethora of thoughts for me. It opened up that place underneath just for a second. But then I quickly moved back to the complaints. I have many. Or at least I believe I have many reasons to complain. But I’m realizing that complaints are surface things. They live outside of us and do not always reflect the inner emotions we are truly feeling.

A complaint develops easily and blurts out what’s on the surface of our lives. It flows easily off the tongue and falls upon any willing listener. The empathy we receive from that willing listener keeps the complaints alive. If someone listens to us and responds with caring about our complaint, it is then cemented. We have given it life, perhaps life beyond what it deserves.

This brings us back to the probing question: “If I let go of my complaints, what might be underneath?”

If gratefulness for the obvious graces that we have received replaced the urge to complain, we would be surprised at the result. If, instead of lodging a complaint, we spent some time exploring what lives “underneath,” we might well gain true insight into our emotional state. 

So we would do well to ask ourselves what’s underneath the complaint we speak out loud? Is it true that our complaint rises from a deep place inside of us but hides the emotion there?

If my complaint, for instance, is that I am overworked, perhaps underneath is the constant feeling that I’m being taken advantage of. If my complaint is that I have to endure an illness, perhaps the feeling underneath is that I fear suffering, even death. If I am terrified of death, perhaps I am not certain I left a good and lasting legacy. If I’m languishing in retirement, perhaps the emotion “underneath” is that, now that I am not “ministering,” I am questioning my self-worth.

You might be asking why this is important. It is important because whatever lives inside of us holds the power to harm us physically, emotionally and spiritually. What could we do instead of complaining? 

  • We might begin with silence that moves us a bit towards serenity.
  • Next, we will practice mindfulness that helps center us.
  • We woukd do well to contemplate gratitude for the graces of life. 
  • Then we should pray for insight, comfort and healing, not only praying for what we need from God, but also listening for God, abiding for a while in God’s presence.
  • Then we must take time for what might be the most important practice of all: introspection and self-reflection.

One of the primary goals of introspection is to better comprehend our inward life and to learn to focus it towards fulfillment of self. To go there is to invite vulnerability, healthy vulnerability that softens the hard places inside me that are wounded. Then we need to pull up from our inner resources just a little bit of courage.

When all is said and done, each of us is given a critical choice: do we complain about all that is not right? Or does courage enable us to look underneath our complaints and discover what our true emotions are?

For myself, I have to ponder these questions: What am I grieving? What have I lost? What do I fear? Underneath my whining and complaining (which I am very apt to do) I will find a gift, a treasure that is my very soul and spirit, and the emotions that abide there.

And as a bonus, I will have found a better way to live my “one wild and precious life.” **

* From A Network of Grateful Living

** From a poem by Mary Oliver.Â