MAY 6, 2026 ~ ANCESTORS! Along my journey, I started to believe that all my current projects related to my ancestors. Meandering through the generations was sometimes an exhausting journey! From generation to generation, I trudged through both the “beautiful and terrible” of my ancestors and my relationships with them. Relationships are not easy and never smooth, and I endured the sting of the prickles! But you can’t skip over that “ancestor thing” that tells you every day that your DNA and theirs are forever entwined. I cannot change that, so I determined to find peace around it. When someone says “you are just like your Aunt Eirene, I can’t refute it. It’s true! I must tell you that completion of the major parts of this memoir took a vast amount of energy and fortitude from me!
An era has passed. I have just completed writing this memoir of my life, after laboring for more than three years, far too long to be writing a book about your life journey. Writing one book for multiple years can mess up one’s mind! Examining the moments of my life snatched my joy for a good period. This memoir did not birth itself! Writing it was not really ordinary writing. Instead I “birthed” it through serious “labor pains” I had to breathe through, and without a midwife!
The memoir is not quite edited and tweaked enough to go to the publisher, but it’s close. I have some emotions leftover from the writing and creating. I needed to name my emotions in the writing process, and now I need to name the emotions that came with me back into the real world.
Of course melancholy would be my primary emotion. It may be the result of the exhaustion of writing. It may be regret or sadness when thinking about my ancestors. It may be about looking back at the relationships I cherished and the ones that were chock full of sorrow, anger, disappointment, etc. No one, in my opinion, can walk away from the stories of their “beautiful and terrible” lives unscathed.
Be at peace, my good friend, for there is nothing your worries can do but make you tired. What will be, will be, shaped by currents deeper and stronger than we can swim against. Instead of flailing in time, let us trust in what is without time: the steadfast presence of the sacred in the midst of our struggle. That is our lifeline, trust in a power unseen but felt to the marrow of the soul. Hold on to that firm hand and be at peace as it takes you to calmer water. ~Bishop Steven Charleston
I have to say that writing my “Spirit Stories” as I call them was an unforgettable undertaking of both personal reflection, as well as reflection on the place of my ancestors in my life and make peace with that and breath of my ancestors. The stories revealed themselves to me and I recorded them as if they were a writ of ancestry, or I might call it a sacred document, because every part of it required a chunk of my heart.
My burning question is “what will I do with myself now?” Today, I sorted some jewelry and pressed some shirts. Since I retired and faced serious illness, I get “kind of” dressed up on some days: hair, makeup, jewelry and clothes that look decent! I did today, in black leggings and a bright pink shirt, because I felt I should mark the day in some way, celebrating the completion of this book, “Spirit Stories: A sMeandering Memoir from My Sacred Path.”
I think now I will find a grassy, peaceful meadow and fall asleep beside a flowing stream in the verdant grass with a scattering of colorful wildflowers.
P.S~ If I fall asleep in this field of dandelions, I will regret it!
God of the Sparrow 🌱 By Kathy Manis Findley 