Month: April 2016

Adventures, Dreams, Risk

The Sky That Calls Me

Rev Kathy

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Getting older brings various limits. What used to be an adventure now feels risky, even dangerous. Digging a flower garden is more of a challenge. Making up a bed is harder than it used to be. Lifting heavy things can leave one with days of back pain.

A long road trip sometimes feels prohibitive. A long plane trip seems out of reach. The worse thing is that taking risks can be frightening, and chasing dreams and adventures sometimes feels impossible.

And yet the sky still calls out to me, opening up before me with new dreams and fresh adventures. Only I can decide not to lean on the age-old excuse, “I’m too old!” As I do many times, I bask in the inspiration of Bishop Charleston.

Fly before the wind that lifts you, soaring on wings outstretched to the sun. Do not feel constrained to stand below, afraid to take the risk, but trust in your own imagination, in the wild ideas that others cannot yet see. Let them pull you from the common ground and up to a different horizon, a far vision of what might be if only you can reach it. Already you feel a stirring to do something different. Go with that first breeze and see how far it can take you. You were not born to plod the earth, but to test the limits of the sky that calls you.

The sky still calls me. I still want to soar. What if I still can? What if dreams and adventures are still possible for me?

There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,

And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh, but my darling,
What if you fly?

― Erin Hanson

Contemplation, God's Faithfulness

Psst!

Rev Kathy

 

imageStout’s Point, Petitjean State Perk, Arkansas

Psst! Sometimes it seems that God is so quiet toward us that we can barely hear. Maybe he uses “psst!” To get our attention. Which means we have to be listening to hear God’s voice. In my experience, God does not shout. God simply prompts very quietly, as if he wants us to learn more about paying attention.

God can be maddeningly hard to get. Sometimes we have these encounters when God breaks into our lives with power and answers our prayers. In those times, God waters the garden of our faith, making it lush and green. And then there are seasons when an unrelenting silence descends. We cry to God in our confused anguish and God just seems silent, absent.

The holy is not loud. It is more like a still, small voice that speaks to us when we are attuned to it. And that’s the secret, I think, being attuned to the holy moments, waiting patiently for God to nudge us, listening carefully lest we hear a holy “psst!”

To be in that listening place, we must clear our lives of everyday chaos. We must be attentive to our spiritual journey. And we must spend some time in prayer and contemplation. Sounds straightforward, but it is not that easy for those of us with full schedules and multiple responsibilities.

The bottom line, though, is this: I want to hear from God. I want to be still and quiet enough to to hear God, even if God’s only utterance is a holy “psst!” If I hear that, we can go on from there to grander communication. And that’s so important!

Inspiration, Joy

Joy!

Rev Kathy

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You shall go out with joy, be led forth in peace. The mountains and the hills will break forth before you into singing, and all of the trees of the field will clap their hands. – Isaiah 55:12

What an expression of pure joy! It’s the kind of joy I long to experience, to live my life in praise to God. Such joy doesn’t come naturally for me. The toils of life push me down, and often disturb my joy. Problems and concerns often assail me. But I believe that there is a secret to finding joy, prayer and singing.

It works every time, no matter how grave your circumstance. Sincere prayer, giving praise to God with your whole heart, and singing songs of joy are remedies for the blues. And God desires that we experience that kind of joy.

I think it’s all about making life’s journey a spiritual journey. Wendell Berry writes about such a journey.

The world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles, no matter how long, but only by a spiritual journey, a journey of one inch, very arduous and humbling and joyful, by which we arrive at the ground at our own feet, and learn to be at home.

When my journey turns the corner leading to sadness and I am feeling melancholy, my cousin always says, “Be joyful!” That is very good advice. Feeling joy brightens my journey and invigorates my physical, spiritual and emotional being.

And so today, I embrace joy!

Contemplation, Faith

By the Light of the Moon

Rev Kathy

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Just a few days ago, April 22, the moon was full and so beautiful. It’s comforting to know that you can count on the moon to wax and wane according to schedule. And yet, every common moon is miracle to me, its beauty mesmerizing for me every time I see it.

It’s my job to notice it, to never take it for granted, to see it with eyes that are open to miraculous sights. It is completely my job to sit under its light and to allow it to enlighten my small world. It’s my soul work to allow the moonlight to illumine my contemplation and to inspire me to a better life.

Most of all, it is up to me to thank God for the moon and all creation, given to us to enrich our existence. The Psalmist expresses it best:
To God who made the great lights,
For God’s lovingkindness is everlasting:
The sun to rule by day,
For God’s lovingkindness is everlasting,
The moon and stars to rule by night,
For God’s lovingkindness is everlasting.

Psalm 136:7-9 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

“By the light of the silvery moon,” the title of a song published in 1909, always reminds me of the ethereal color when the full moon lights the sky. Gazing upon it is a special life experience, not to be missed. When I lift up my eyes toward the light of the moon, I always contemplate the astounding handiwork of God and give thanks.

peace

Deep Peace

Rev Kathy

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I search for deep peace, not a superficial kind of peace, but a peace deep enough to touch my soul. I search for a peace deep enough to heal a frantic spirit, to calm my very being.

There are disturbers of peace all around us . . . from health concerns, to family upheavals, to the noise of traffic and the cries of violence. We suffer through all the things that rob us of peace and we struggle to find our peace again.

A Biblical blessing proclaims, “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)

A Gaelic Christian blessing soothes our chaotic spirits with these beautiful words:

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the gentle night to you.
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you.
Deep peace of Christ,
of Christ the light of the world to you.
Deep peace of Christ to you.

– Adapted from an old Gaelic rune

Faith, Miracles

Miracles!

Rev Kathy

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Miracles surround us every day, but sometimes we fail to notice them. As for me, I do believe in miracles that make life worth living. Sometimes I notice them only after they are over. But at other times, I find myself right smack dab in the middle of a working miracle. It’s magical. It enlarges my life and boosts my faith. It makes me look forward with joy to another day of life.

I often wonder how many people actually believe in miracles. I wonder if people are able to transcend a mundane life and instead experience a magical life of miracles, small and large. I have discovered, though, that miracles are not magic tricks. Miracles are a product of deep faith and living life on a soul level, embracing not only our physical world, but clinging tightly to our spiritual world.

My son recently told me a story about my one-year old grandson, Jalen, who was born with end stage kidney disease. As they consulted with the doctor recently, they learned that Jalen no longer needed dialysis and the many medications e was taking. The nurse looked at the doctor with surprise and asked, “Is this a miracle baby?” The doctor responded, “Yes!”

Why did they believe? Because they saw miracles. Things one person took as chance, a person of faith took as a sign. A loved one recovering from disease, a fortunate business deal, a chance meeting with a long lost friend. It wasn’t the grand doctrines or the sweeping ideals that seemed to make believers out of people. It was the simple magic in the world around them.

― Brandon Sanderson, The Hero of Ages

And that phrase describes miracles well: “simple magic in the world.” Don’t forget, the most important thing to know about miracles is that they happen.

Contemplation, Gardening for the Soul

The Peace of God

Rev Kathy

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Anxiety overrules contentment. In fact, anxiety can easily have its way in our lives, making a shambles of all that we have accomplished. We humans spend a great deal of time building our comfortable nests, making life a positive experience.

I am expending my energy on my flower garden. It’s filled with ferns and flowers that give me positive energy. I can breathe deeply in my garden, exhaling all the cares and toils that come my way. I am happy in my garden, and it is a place of solitude and peace.

Anxiety can wreck it for me, so I do all that I can to hold anxiety at bay. There are several things that make me anxious, including my health and the possibility of a kidney transplant. But anxiety adds nothing good to my life. Instead, I work hard to fill my spirit with peacefulness. It is the peace of God that guards my heart and mind.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

Grace, healing

Mountaintop Moments

Rev Kathy

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Mountaintop experiences . . . so few and far between. They are the special times we long for, those times when we experience God in fresh, new ways. We travel along life’s dusty roads hoping for just one mountaintop moment. And on occasion, we do find ourselves with God on a high mountain. It’s worth the long wait.

After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light.

(Matthew 17:1-2, New International Version)
We meet you on the mountaintop, O God, hoping for a glimpse of your glory. Hoping for a moment sacred and holy. We meet you, having ascended from a mundane existence. We meet you, hoping that your usual silence with us will turn into hearing you speak to us of greater times. We meet you hoping to transcend the ordinary and to find, in your presence, a holier moment of grace.

We linger on the holy mountain, O God, waiting for your transfigured presence, and hoping beyond hope that you will change us, if only for this moment in time. And then we descend into our world, the ordinary place we live, but we are not the same. We are no longer ordinary, because we have experienced you, heart and soul, in a fresh, new way.

We give you thanks, O God, for mountaintop moments.

Amen.

Family, Home, simple joys

Simple Pleasures

Rev Kathy

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Today will be a quiet day, a day to recuperate from our 12 hour trip from Little Rock. We had rain, stormy rain, and traffic delays at every turn. The trip was exhausting. But we spent an exhilarating week with family, good friends, and our three grandchildren.

We were so tired we slept late this morning, our bodies moving toward normal through extra rest. Our emotional and spiritual selves will need their own special kind of re-creation. That part of us took a hit because we had to say goodbye to our grandchildren and our son. So today we will spend a day close to home.

We need rest and peace. We need the simple pleasures of home.

After all, I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.  ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

Courage, Family, God's Faithfulness, Grace, Home, Uncategorized

The Coming of the Dawn

Rev Kathy

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It’s a brand new morning filled with possibility. It’s also the day we leave our Little Rock home to go back home to Macon. So there is emotion involved, bittersweet feelings that remind me that we are once again leaving behind our son, our grandchildren, and a host of lifelong friends. We cannot straddle two states very well. We cannot cure the sadness of distance with FaceTime or Skype. This situation simply is what it is, and we will have to navigate the emotions of having family far from us.

I have no doubt that when night falls on us tonight in Georgia, we will feel at home and content. We will nurse a little sadness, yes. We will work with melancholy feelings for a while. But we will be in our home, our safe place and our place of rest and peace. I will be glad to see my garden and marvel at how it has grown in a week. I will be very glad for my own bed. Night will find me in my place.

Once again, Bishop Steven Charleston describes my emotions in his eloquent writing.

“It is quiet now. All the cares of this long day are drifting away. There is peace in the house, and in the garden, and over the fence into the wide world beyond, a peace that passes beneath the trees and through the fences, circling the moon in a spiral of silver light, following the night air, going into places where lonely hearts hide, searching for the wounded among us, comforting the dreams of the innocent. It is quiet now, for the love of God walks this night, as every night, gently seeking, seeking those who need love the most, as they wait, wait for the coming of the dawn.”

Missing my grandchildren, I will “need love the most.” But I know that the words are real and true: “. . . the love of God walks this night, as every night, gently seeking, seeking those who need love the most, as they wait, wait for the coming of the dawn.”

Courage, Inspiration, simple joys

What Is Holy Is Not Tame

Rev Kathy

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“So tell me, what is it that you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” – Mary Oliver

I love that question! And even at my age, I love being able to answer it. Even with a serious illness hanging over me, I have plans for my one wild and precious life. The passing years, in fact, make life even more precious. My goal for life is not only to make it precious, but to also make it wild . . . one last wild ride that takes in the magnificent world around me!

My goal is to have experiences that can be described with words similar to the words of Bishop Charleston:

I have seen the Spirit moving behind the gathering clouds, with wings the color of rainbows. I have watched the light of creation split the sky, as angels pound the drums of heaven. What is holy is not what is tame, what is divine is as wild as a desert rain. Love is not a timid breeze, but a storm of change, sweeping the comfortable before it like leaves, blowing the dust off our ordered lives, challenging us to dare the elements of our own vision. What is holy is not what is tame, so when you stand to pray, stand facing the wind.

I agree that what is holy is not tame at all. So blow through my life, refreshing breeze. Rearrange me, storm of change. I am standing facing the wind with great anticipation!

healing, Hope, Uncategorized

Healing Waters

Rev Kathy

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I have spent the past two years healing from end stage kidney disease. That does not mean I’m cured. But it does mean that I’m healed enough to have regained my strength and a semblance of normalcy in my life. My dialysis takes eight hours each day, but it has become an accepted part of my “new normal.”

Do I wish I had healthy, functioning kidneys? Of course I do. But I have embraced healing that is my reality, and it’s not a bad life. I have learned that beyond any doubt that the physical, emotional and spiritual parts of me are inextricably interconnected. Genuine healing occurs when all three are well balanced. This kind of healing has its way with the illness, and in very significant ways, thwarts the disease process. I am blessed to experience healing. It is as if God is leading me into healing waters that begin a process of being made well, in the Spitit, the soul, the mind and the body. Healing is not a noun, it is a verb, and it is a continual process within me.

Until God completes that miracle process, I rest on these words:

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls my life.” – Akshay Dubey

Faith, Family, Inspiration, Love

My Weight in Their Hands

Rev Kathy

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I worshipped at my home church yesterday. What a blessing it was to be with the people that prayed and nursed me through the most serious days of my illness! In many ways, they played a role in my eventual return to health. And it is such a blessing to know that they will also pray me through my eventual kidney transplant.

They are what Christ’s Community is all about. New Millennium Church became a true faith community for me during my darkest days. They prayed. They brought meals. They stayed in close touch. They believed in my healing. They were as Toni Morrison describes in this passage:

“They encouraged you to put some of your weight in their hands and soon as you felt how light and lovely it was, they studied your scars and tribulations…”
― Toni Morrison, Beloved

And so, with my weight in their hands, I began to get myself back, physically, emotionally and spiritually. They were, for me, the reality of miracle. Today, I am healthy enough to be considered a candidate for a kidney transplant. Through that process, I know that New Millennium will pray.

“I give thanks to God upon every remembrance of you.” – Philippians 1:1

Faith, Love

Immeasurably More

Rev Kathy

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My life is immeasurably more than I ever imagined. Yes, I have a serious illness. Yes, retirement income is dismal. Yes, making ends meet is difficult. Yes, waiting on a kidney transplant is challenging. Yet the blessings that I receive from God every day that I live is immeasurably more than I deserve.

I often think of the scripture that talks about Christ dwelling in our hearts through faith. It is part of a beautiful passage in the third chapter of Ephesians. I am constantly amazed that Christ dwells in my heart through faith. It is a miracle of God that enables Christ to dwell in my heart, to be literally inside me, to make all the difference in my life. That profound thought leaves me without words of my own. Instead, I leave you with the rest of the passage in Ephesians:

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. – Ephesians 3:17-21

Family, simple joys

Simple Joys

Rev Kathy

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Life is full of joys! Little joys and big ones! Complex joys and simple joys! Last night, I watched three of my grandchildren play on the floor . . . tickling, rolling, scooting, laughing, throwing a mini basketball. The experience was a simple joy.

I lifted a Bible verse gently out of context this morning because it expresses the kind of joy I enjoyed yesterday with my grandchildren. No doubt about it, they “refreshed my heart.”

“Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.”  Philemon 1:7

Life has its way of burdening our hearts with all sorts of “bad news.” Reading a newspaper or reading the world news online each day confirms it. So we need brief times of heart refreshing, the time to engage in simple joys that nurture our souls.

I can definitely give you an example of a simple joy this morning: surprising my granddaughter by waiting for her to get off her school bus and watching her reaction when she saw me. I had not seen her in over a year, so when she spotted me down the block from her bus stop, she shouted my name, broke into a run, and landed in my arms.

What a simple joy that was, and a profound one, all at once! I pray tha your world today will be full of simple joys.

Faith, God's Faithfulness, Uncategorized

Resting in God’s Love

Rev Kathy

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Where do I find God? There are times when, for whatever the reason, I feel estranged from God. There are times when, though my faith tells me that God is near, I simply do not feel God’s presence. During those times, my prayer seems empty. I cannot connect to God. I cannot sense God’s love. I feel lost and confused. I cannot make myself believe that God loves me.

Sometimes God speaks to me through the words of others. Bishop Steven Charleston writes these comforting words:

You are not lost. Not to me.
And never will be.
No matter where you may be,
no matter how far or deep or dark
or empty or alone or confusing or new
or complex or tangled
or bad or difficult,
I will find you.
I will find you and I will be with you.
I will come to you and hold you and care for you
and uplift you and protect you
and heal you and save you
and bring you home.
So you never need be afraid.
Never. For you will not be lost, not to me.
I have you. Now and forever.
Be at peace and rest in that peace.
You will never be in a place my love cannot find.
So says our God.

Without fail, I eventually return to peace. I find my way back, every time, and I find myself again resting in God’s love.

Home, Hope, Love

Home of My Heart

Rev Kathy

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I’m on the road today! And I’m celebrating going back home to Little Rock to see friends, church family, and my child and grandchildren. I haven’t seen them in over a year. I have not seen my youngest grandson at all. He turns one today, so if all goes well on the journey, I’ll see him on his birthday.

Home is now far away for me, ten hours by car. My new home is nice enough, and we have made a “sort-of” home here. But Little Rock is the home of my heart, a place that was difficult to leave behind.

I can not help but think of Naomi’s story of leaving home in the first chapter of the book of Ruth.

In the days when the judges ruled there was a famine in the land, and a man of Bethlehem in Judah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there. But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. They lived there about ten years, and both Mahlon and Chilion died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband.

It must have been traumatic to leave home for her, and when her husband and sons died, she must have languished terribly. The story goes on to tell us that Naomi survived and built a new home.

That’s what we do. We build home wherever we go. We put our heart into every new place, and eventually the heart makes it home. I will do that in Macon. I have already made some progress. I have a dear and loving family here, and we so enjoy one another. But for today, I am celebrating going back home! To the place of my heart! To the people of my heart!

Faith, God's Faithfulness, Inspiration, Love

Love Has the Last Word

Rev Kathy

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My last blog post spoke of being unable to escape adversity. And it is true that we will not get through this life without adversity, no matter how hard we try. The path we walk is steep and winding, leading us forward through all sorts of dangers, toils and snares. The road can be frightening. It can be challenging.

We navigate in a world that is sometimes filled with terror and hate. But the best news for us comes from Bishop Steven Charleston.

The final word to our lives will not be terror or hate. Even if they seem overwhelming now, they will not define us or control us. Other forces are at work, deep forces that move silently among us, drawing us closer against the storm. Whenever human beings face disaster together, whatever that peril may be, our ancient instinct for compassion rises up to unite us in common cause. We do not shatter beneath the blows. We only grow stronger. No, fear and hate will never have the last word. Love will.

There is no better news than that!

I love the hymn Amazing Love. How Can it Be. The words of the fourth stanza give me new and fresh hope.

Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray,
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

Amazing love, how can it be that Thou, my God, should die for me?

Love has the last word.

Courage, Faith, Fear, God's Faithfulness, Grace, Uncategorized

The Heart to Conquer Pain

Rev Kathy

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No way to escape hardships! It’s inevitable that life will bring us sadness, loss, grief, fear, and all manner of trial. This is a dangerous world, and danger is a part of life. This is a world where pain sometimes strikes us, and there is no way to avoid it.

I recall a terribly dark time in my life when I felt betrayed and abandoned, as if I alone had to face the troubles that had descended upon me. I felt disheartened and despondent. I felt frightened and, most of all, I felt totally alone. It was not a good feeling. It left me bereft of comfort for weeks on end. I could not change the circumstance, and I could not shake the emotional angst.

Prayer was my companion, but I would be lying if I said that prayer worked an instant miracle. Prayer was constant and so was the pain. I was not delivered from it by a prayer or a Bible passage. I simply endured the pain until it began to ease.

Was God present with me during this time? Did God hear my cries? Did God even care that I was going through the valley’s shadow?

My experience was that God was very silent. I knew God’s presence only by faith. I knew God’s compassion only by past experience. I knew I would survive only because I had survived so many difficulties in the past.

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless when facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.

– Rabindranath Tagore

Courage, Faith, God's Faithfulness, Grace, Uncategorized

Remade!

Rev Kathy

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I am in awe of God’s presence in all things. It is not just that God is near us. God is also within us and beside us in every created thing. I have learned that, even in the most difficult times, God is within me. In fact, God is perhaps nearer in the hard times.

How narrow a pathway those hard times bring! There is nothing to be seen on the left or on the right. It is a feeling of being trapped in one’s own sadness, wondering if the narrow path will ever end, wondering if the world will ever open up again. It is as if I am being forced to look within myself because the path is too narrow to see anything else. The sunlight is hidden. The light of stars and moon doesn’t show itself. There are no mountains or forests or valleys or seashores. There is just the narrow tunneled path and the will and the courage to keep moving through it. And even there in that tight, restrictive space, I sense God’s presence.

I can rest on the promises of this quote by Jan Richardson from her book on reflection and prayer, In the Sanctuary of Women.

The mystics invite us to remember what we all too often forget: God is everywhere present in the world, suffusing creation with the being of God. Once in a while, if we keep our eyes open, if we look closely enough, something amid the familiar reveals itself, offers itself to us in a new way. What we know, what we have learned, is taken apart. Is remade. Remakes us.

So many times in this life, I have been remade. It’s by the grace of a loving, ever-present God.