Poet Nick Frederickson wrote these words: “So, I close my heart to old ends and open my heart to new beginnings.”
Being on the waiting list for a kidney transplant is definitely a new beginning for me. It may well be a very long wait, five years they tell me. At my age, a kidney donor may be found too late for me, meaning that I will continue on daily dialysis throughout my life. So I have to struggle with my doctor’s words of reality that being on dialysis will shorten my life and offer less quality of life.
So this new beginning is fraught with unanswered questions and uncertainty. Unbecoming for a fresh new beginning! And yet, I still compare these days to the many days I spent hospitalized in 2014. Today is so much better. I can walk again. I ride my exercise bike. I draw and paint. I write. I gain inspiration for the tiny life blessings that come my way, and I feel grateful to be alive.
I have closed my heart to “old ends” and they don’t hurt me anymore. My heart is closed to feelings of failure about the end of my nonprofit organization, Safe Places. I am grateful that we had eleven very successful years and that we helped many people.
My heart is closed to the harsh betrayals of people I thought were my friends. I have moved on to some wonderful new friends.
My heart is closed to my inability to help victims of violence on a daily basis. I actually still hear from people who need my help and I am able to continue this ministry.
I have closed my heart to the time when I lost my ability to even write down my ABCs. Now I write an inspirational blog every day that has gotten thousands of views.
Literally hundreds of friends are praying for me. A few good friends and family members are coming forth as potential kidney donors. Who can ask for a better new beginning than that?
“Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” – Revelation 21:5 (ESV)