Today was another red-letter day for me. After a lengthy consultation at my dialysis clinic, my nephrologist is referring me for kidney transplant evaluation. At this point, that doesn’t mean much, as it is a long process to even get on a transplant list. Still, it brings up many strong emotions for me, not the least of which is the probability of a hospital stay. After spending fifty-three days in the hospital in 2014, I have a strong dread at the thought of spending time hospitalized.
And then there are the emotions of a donor-recipient process. It doesn’t feel like a process; it feels much more life-changing than that. What is important at this time is that I contemplate my emotions and tend to my physical and spiritual health. No one knows how this will play out in the end. I only know that just the thought of an evaluative process is daunting to me.
In this situation, I most need to trust in God and avoid leaning on my own understanding. What I am facing is continuing end stage kidney disease or kidney transplantation. On my own, my response is “Yikes!” With God, my response is that I most desire that God’s will be done in my life and, most of all, that I learn to more fully trust in God with all my heart.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6 New King James Version (NKJV)