Exactly one year ago on this day, my brother Andrew posted my status on Facebook. He called it a good news/bad news status. The good news is that I was finally getting out of the hospital. The bad news is that I would begin dialysis. I left with a wheelchair because I was too weak and wobbly to walk. Fred had to give me constant care. It was a very low time for both of us.
I remember wondering if I would ever again have the strength to care for myself. But I was blessed with a wonderful physical therapist who came twice a week and another aide who came to bathe me. Every movement was a major effort, but at least I had regained most of my cognitive ability. I was able to recognize people and answer the usual questions: Who is the president of the United States? What year is this? Do you know who I am?
It was a beginning, and I was grateful for the progress, no matter how slight. Still, I was afraid and I worried about my ability to get back to some normalcy.
John Michael Talbott wrote a song that meant so much during that fearful time:
Be not afraid.
I go before you always.
Come follow me, and
I will give you rest.
If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown.
If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed.
If you stand before the power of hell and death is at your side, know that
I am with you through it all.
And the scripture that kept coming to be mind was Psalm 56:3 (New English Translation).
When I am afraid, I will trust in you.