God of the Sparrow 🌱 By Kathy Manis Findley

This day was a day like no other.  I was alone in my hospital room and in came the Occupational Therapist.  I did not expect her.  Nor did I expect what I was about to discover.  She emptied out her toy bag and revealed several colored blocks.  No big deal, I thought, just blocks representing primary colors.

Then she asked me to pick up a block, place it in the correct slot, and name the color. I picked a block of a color I have known since I was a toddler. It’s green, I thought.  But no matter how hard I tried I could not say it. How does one lose capabilities so quickly? And what happened to me medically to affect my cognition and my speech so profoundly?

That was a day I’ll not forget. I couldn’t identify green, the color I so loved. The color of trees and forests was lost to me that day. And it took diligent work to recover my ability to recognize and identify color.  So I am reminded how difficult it was for me to say “green” on that day. And I am also reminded not to take the special hue of leaves for granted. I will always love a path through a forest and all the lush green that covers me.

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” Rabindranath Tagore

Rain and storm filled 2014. I was very sick, sick enough that I didn’t even know I was in the world. I saw my illness through the eyes of others, my brother who traveled to see me when I didn’t even know his name, my cousin who came and was so alarmed by my situation, my sister-in-law who insisted that I needed to move nearby so that they could help care for me, and my grieving husband who thought he had lost me more than once.

It is easier now to look back at all those stormy times and to realize that my sunset sky is back, filled with the color of new life. Dialysis for seven hours every day is a strain for us, but it is also life-giving. It is indeed a cloud that floated into my life. It also adds color to my sunset sky. And I so love color.

I never intended to embark on a new journey.  My life has been circuitous and full of journeys large and small.  In February of 2014 my kidneys failed. I came much too near to the end of my life.  This blog will share what life was like during that time and following. I find it strengthening to reflect on my present life in light of the past and to share how my illness affected what is going on in my life today.

I invite you to join me as I describe this new journey.