Faith, Love

Immeasurably More

Rev Kathy

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My life is immeasurably more than I ever imagined. Yes, I have a serious illness. Yes, retirement income is dismal. Yes, making ends meet is difficult. Yes, waiting on a kidney transplant is challenging. Yet the blessings that I receive from God every day that I live is immeasurably more than I deserve.

I often think of the scripture that talks about Christ dwelling in our hearts through faith. It is part of a beautiful passage in the third chapter of Ephesians. I am constantly amazed that Christ dwells in my heart through faith. It is a miracle of God that enables Christ to dwell in my heart, to be literally inside me, to make all the difference in my life. That profound thought leaves me without words of my own. Instead, I leave you with the rest of the passage in Ephesians:

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. – Ephesians 3:17-21

Family, simple joys

Simple Joys

Rev Kathy

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Life is full of joys! Little joys and big ones! Complex joys and simple joys! Last night, I watched three of my grandchildren play on the floor . . . tickling, rolling, scooting, laughing, throwing a mini basketball. The experience was a simple joy.

I lifted a Bible verse gently out of context this morning because it expresses the kind of joy I enjoyed yesterday with my grandchildren. No doubt about it, they “refreshed my heart.”

“Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.”  Philemon 1:7

Life has its way of burdening our hearts with all sorts of “bad news.” Reading a newspaper or reading the world news online each day confirms it. So we need brief times of heart refreshing, the time to engage in simple joys that nurture our souls.

I can definitely give you an example of a simple joy this morning: surprising my granddaughter by waiting for her to get off her school bus and watching her reaction when she saw me. I had not seen her in over a year, so when she spotted me down the block from her bus stop, she shouted my name, broke into a run, and landed in my arms.

What a simple joy that was, and a profound one, all at once! I pray tha your world today will be full of simple joys.

Faith, God's Faithfulness, Uncategorized

Resting in God’s Love

Rev Kathy

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Where do I find God? There are times when, for whatever the reason, I feel estranged from God. There are times when, though my faith tells me that God is near, I simply do not feel God’s presence. During those times, my prayer seems empty. I cannot connect to God. I cannot sense God’s love. I feel lost and confused. I cannot make myself believe that God loves me.

Sometimes God speaks to me through the words of others. Bishop Steven Charleston writes these comforting words:

You are not lost. Not to me.
And never will be.
No matter where you may be,
no matter how far or deep or dark
or empty or alone or confusing or new
or complex or tangled
or bad or difficult,
I will find you.
I will find you and I will be with you.
I will come to you and hold you and care for you
and uplift you and protect you
and heal you and save you
and bring you home.
So you never need be afraid.
Never. For you will not be lost, not to me.
I have you. Now and forever.
Be at peace and rest in that peace.
You will never be in a place my love cannot find.
So says our God.

Without fail, I eventually return to peace. I find my way back, every time, and I find myself again resting in God’s love.

Home, Hope, Love

Home of My Heart

Rev Kathy

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I’m on the road today! And I’m celebrating going back home to Little Rock to see friends, church family, and my child and grandchildren. I haven’t seen them in over a year. I have not seen my youngest grandson at all. He turns one today, so if all goes well on the journey, I’ll see him on his birthday.

Home is now far away for me, ten hours by car. My new home is nice enough, and we have made a “sort-of” home here. But Little Rock is the home of my heart, a place that was difficult to leave behind.

I can not help but think of Naomi’s story of leaving home in the first chapter of the book of Ruth.

In the days when the judges ruled there was a famine in the land, and a man of Bethlehem in Judah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there. But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. They lived there about ten years, and both Mahlon and Chilion died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband.

It must have been traumatic to leave home for her, and when her husband and sons died, she must have languished terribly. The story goes on to tell us that Naomi survived and built a new home.

That’s what we do. We build home wherever we go. We put our heart into every new place, and eventually the heart makes it home. I will do that in Macon. I have already made some progress. I have a dear and loving family here, and we so enjoy one another. But for today, I am celebrating going back home! To the place of my heart! To the people of my heart!

Faith, God's Faithfulness, Inspiration, Love

Love Has the Last Word

Rev Kathy

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My last blog post spoke of being unable to escape adversity. And it is true that we will not get through this life without adversity, no matter how hard we try. The path we walk is steep and winding, leading us forward through all sorts of dangers, toils and snares. The road can be frightening. It can be challenging.

We navigate in a world that is sometimes filled with terror and hate. But the best news for us comes from Bishop Steven Charleston.

The final word to our lives will not be terror or hate. Even if they seem overwhelming now, they will not define us or control us. Other forces are at work, deep forces that move silently among us, drawing us closer against the storm. Whenever human beings face disaster together, whatever that peril may be, our ancient instinct for compassion rises up to unite us in common cause. We do not shatter beneath the blows. We only grow stronger. No, fear and hate will never have the last word. Love will.

There is no better news than that!

I love the hymn Amazing Love. How Can it Be. The words of the fourth stanza give me new and fresh hope.

Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray,
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

Amazing love, how can it be that Thou, my God, should die for me?

Love has the last word.

Courage, Faith, Fear, God's Faithfulness, Grace, Uncategorized

The Heart to Conquer Pain

Rev Kathy

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No way to escape hardships! It’s inevitable that life will bring us sadness, loss, grief, fear, and all manner of trial. This is a dangerous world, and danger is a part of life. This is a world where pain sometimes strikes us, and there is no way to avoid it.

I recall a terribly dark time in my life when I felt betrayed and abandoned, as if I alone had to face the troubles that had descended upon me. I felt disheartened and despondent. I felt frightened and, most of all, I felt totally alone. It was not a good feeling. It left me bereft of comfort for weeks on end. I could not change the circumstance, and I could not shake the emotional angst.

Prayer was my companion, but I would be lying if I said that prayer worked an instant miracle. Prayer was constant and so was the pain. I was not delivered from it by a prayer or a Bible passage. I simply endured the pain until it began to ease.

Was God present with me during this time? Did God hear my cries? Did God even care that I was going through the valley’s shadow?

My experience was that God was very silent. I knew God’s presence only by faith. I knew God’s compassion only by past experience. I knew I would survive only because I had survived so many difficulties in the past.

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless when facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.

– Rabindranath Tagore

Courage, Faith, God's Faithfulness, Grace, Uncategorized

Remade!

Rev Kathy

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I am in awe of God’s presence in all things. It is not just that God is near us. God is also within us and beside us in every created thing. I have learned that, even in the most difficult times, God is within me. In fact, God is perhaps nearer in the hard times.

How narrow a pathway those hard times bring! There is nothing to be seen on the left or on the right. It is a feeling of being trapped in one’s own sadness, wondering if the narrow path will ever end, wondering if the world will ever open up again. It is as if I am being forced to look within myself because the path is too narrow to see anything else. The sunlight is hidden. The light of stars and moon doesn’t show itself. There are no mountains or forests or valleys or seashores. There is just the narrow tunneled path and the will and the courage to keep moving through it. And even there in that tight, restrictive space, I sense God’s presence.

I can rest on the promises of this quote by Jan Richardson from her book on reflection and prayer, In the Sanctuary of Women.

The mystics invite us to remember what we all too often forget: God is everywhere present in the world, suffusing creation with the being of God. Once in a while, if we keep our eyes open, if we look closely enough, something amid the familiar reveals itself, offers itself to us in a new way. What we know, what we have learned, is taken apart. Is remade. Remakes us.

So many times in this life, I have been remade. It’s by the grace of a loving, ever-present God.

Courage, Faith, God's Faithfulness, Hope, Inspiration, Life storms

On to the Land of Promise

Rev Kathy

 

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Richland Creek Wilderness

Have you ever wandered in a wilderness? I have certainly felt at times as if I was wandering in a wilderness . . . abandoned, confused, disoriented.

The Bible tells the story of the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness for a very long time. We find one reference to that story in Numbers 32:13.

The LORD’s anger burned against Israel and he made them wander in the wilderness forty years, until the whole generation of those who had done evil in his sight was gone.

Certainly no wilderness wandering that I have experienced has been that long and grueling. Yet I do know about a personal wilderness journey. I know how lonely it feels, how forsaken. I know that it seems to go on forever with no end in sight. I know that such wilderness journeys can happen when one is ill, isolated, disheartened, grieving or simply feeling empty.

Numbers concludes with the Israelites coming to the end of the long, hard journey. They are now standing on the Plains of Moab, just across the river from the promised land. This is where Moses gives his final commission to the people. And in the next book, Deuteronomy, the end of the wandering in the wilderness becomes a reality.

Look, he has placed the land in front of you! Go up, take possession of it, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, said to do. Do not be afraid or discouraged!”  – Deuteronomy 1:21

And that’s the good word we need to hear. Our wandering is over. God has walked beside us through whatever wilderness we travelled. We are free to move into our own land of promise where life is no longer filled with fear and discouragement. The magic, though, is this: coming out of the wilderness is our choice. God has the land of promise ready for us. We need only to walk into it with courage and fresh hope.

 

God's Faithfulness, Grace, Hope, Love

Healed of Sad Memory

Rev Kathy

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The anniversary of my brother’s death was in late March. I did not allow myself to emotionally mark the actual date, and that was probably a mistake. The loss has hovered over me since the day I chose to largely ignore it. And there is a cloud of sadness over my head. Pete was our baby brother, and he certainly did not leave us in the right order. He was the youngest, so he should have outlived his two older siblings. But that was the thing about Pete. He didn’t follow rules and expected practices.

I survived his death emotionally. My brother and my cousin also survived it. His young wife and his two beautiful daughters did too. But there was a special kind of love that made it possible to survive. Pete loved lavishly and graciously. It is that kind of love that still watches over us and heals us of the sad memory. It is God’s love that carries us beyond the sadness and brings us into the light of hope. The words of Steven Charleston describe it perfectly.

What gracious love is this, that watches over us without ceasing, that allows for our frailty, that lifts us up when we have stumbled, never wavering in hope for us, never despairing at our shortcomings, but believing in us, defending us, calling forth our better nature, until we are healed of sad memory, restored to live in the fullness of our life, set free from the snares of what can harm us, to be who we were made to be, long ago, by this same gracious heart, the one that formed us before the first dawn, and that will carry us safely beyond the golden light.

This blog post is for Pete, and is dedicated to Shelli, Kristen and Kaitlyn.

Life storms, Love

Love Like that Makes the Planet Breathe

Rev Kathy

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An old Beatles song reminds us of something very important in life:

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

Indeed, it is a great message, and one that is so appropriate in a world that often seems to be filled with hate. I wish I had never heard the voices of the presidential candidates speaking of hatred toward Muslims, Mexicans, persons who are immigrants, and basically, anyone who does not fit into their social boxes.

Why so much hate when all we need is love? The wise words of Bishop Steven Charleston move me to a better place. I hope they will uplift you as well.

Love all that you can today, as far as you can, as widely and wildly as you can, without boundaries or borders, giving out your love for all that you see in beauty and nature around you,

loving unrestrained the simple life that lives forever around you,

the flowers in a field,

the sparrows darting by,

the sky and the wind as surely as if they were your own,

loving every passing person, not stopping to count the reasons, but loving as if your loving made the whole planet breathe.

Love all that you can today, for in such love is the secret beginning of what will never end.

God's Faithfulness, Hope, Uncategorized

Hope!

Rev Kathy

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I don’t usually pay much attention to quotes printed on signs, but today I saw this one that hit me right between the eyes.

God is saying to you today, “Everything will work out. I’m in complete control. I know what the medical report says. I know what the financial situation looks like . . . I know how big your dreams are, and hear me clearly; I will not fail you.”

So to extrapolate this message for me . . . “I know what the strain of dialysis is like. I know you miss your grandchildren,. I know you endure a lot of pain. I know what the future holds for you. I know where your kidney is.”

And that works for me. The promise is in Hebrews 13:5.

” . . . for God has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support.”

What a word of hope!

Uncategorized

Only a Shard of Light

Rev Kathy

 

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Sometimes we have only a shard of light, one narrow beam that gives us a slight hint of which way to go. I have never walked a fully lighted path on this journey. It has always been dark and dim just ahead, making me second guess my forward progress.

I think, though, that life is like that. I think it’s a normal thing to walk on dimly lit roads, always wondering what’s ahead. I never dreamed that I would be in this place, waiting on a kidney transplant, hoping that my life will have a bit more normalcy, hoping to be able to give up daily dialysis.

I never dreamed that I would be hundreds of miles from my child and my grandchildren. I never dreamed I would leave Little Rock and end up in Macon, Georgia.

On the lighter side, I also never dreamed that I would live almost directly on the Georgia Gnat Line. Much like the seven wonders of the world, the Gnat Line is just one of many wonders of the Deep South. Technically speaking, the Gnat Line refers to a geographic fall line that geologists or archaeologists believe may have been a prehistoric beach or shoreline.

The point of all that trivia is that the gnats are relentlessly pesky, attacking eyes, ears, face and mouth. So I never dreamed that my life path would lead me into swarms of gnats.

But back to the narrow beam of light. It’s enough. It may not be as bright as I would want, but it has been enough to be a pretty good guiding light for me. I know it is sent by a protecting and caring God, so I trust it to lead me on.

Courage, Faith

Carried by the Wind

Rev Kathy

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No, we cannot know what the future holds. We do not even know where we’re going on this unpredictable journey called life. We can respond to this in a couple of ways. One response could be fear, feeling paralyzed by the unknown way ahead. Another response is to embrace trust in the God who carries us through life. We can choose a fearful, cocoon-like existence or we can stand on a hilltop and spread our wings.

I would prefer to choose the latter. I hope that the words of C. JoyBell C. describe my outlook on living. Here is what she says:

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”

May the winds carry you!

God's Faithfulness, Grace

It Lights the Whole Sky

Rev Kathy

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The sunrise each morning reminds me that God loves me like the brilliance of the sunlight. In fact, God loves us in so many ways, through so many gifts — the evening sky, the starlight, a gentle rain, a cooling breeze, the brilliant sunlight. In so many ways, God says, “I love you.” And God’s miracles, large and small, enlighten our path.

The longer I live, the more grateful I am for God’s love and care. The more I marvel at God’s graces. The more I give thanks for God’s protection. Every fresh new morning gifts me with the faithfulness of God. Every sunrise fills my spirit with bright new hope. Every day, without failure, the sun rises to bring light to my day.

In the words of the poet, Hāfez, that kind of love “lights the whole sky.”

And still, after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
“You owe Me.”

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.

― Hāfez

Gardening for the Soul, Inspiration

Peace in the Garden

Rev Kathy

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More and more these days, I search for soul work, for activities that feed my soul and sooth my spirit. Gardening is that kind of work for me. I so enjoy watching plants peak bravely through the ground with a new shoot of joy. There is peace in the presence of a garden.

What a glorious day yesterday was! The sun was shining. The breeze blew gently throughout the day. It was a wonderful day to shop for plants, and even more wonderful to plant them.

A small garden now graces the front of my house. I will love watching it grow and thrive. I will love the sense of peace it brings. I love that nature’s beauty is all around me.

Now I have a responsibility to the garden. It won’t grow well without my care . . . watering, weeding, cutting back, feeding. But it’s not work. It’s true pleasure to tend a garden spot.

Alfred Austin speaks of the glory of gardening. He says it like this: “hands in the dirt, head in the sun, heart with nature. To nurture a garden is to feed not just the body, but the soul.”

So I will be spending peace time in the garden this year. It is indeed a therapeutic way to spend my days.

Inspiration, Life storms

Storm Clouds Above

Rev Kathy

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April stormed in with a vengeance. I am not often awakened by thunderstorms, but night before last I was jolted from sleep several times. And early yesterday morning, my cell phone blared out a jarring tornado warning alarm. Storms can be alarming.

Life storms can be even more alarming, suddenly intruding on your peaceful, sunshiny day. I’ve had my share of them and I have learned that when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. In fact, that’s what a life storm is about, changing your illusion of calm, bursting into your complacency, rearranging your well-ordered life.

That’s also what is so positive about storms. Sometimes, many times, my life really needs rearranging. Sometimes I need to break out of my mundane routine and let myself be blown around a bit by a cleansing wind. Sometimes I need to be shocked out of my complacency, especially when I am taking my calm life for granted.

Strolling through life under blue skies with the sun on our shoulders is quite wonderful. But there’s more in store for us, and it comes when the storm clouds form over us and when the lightening flashes across our sky. That gets our attention. Frederick Douglass aptly described what I call a life jolt.

“It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.” (Frederick Douglass)

God's Faithfulness, Inspiration

Stones in the Road

Rev Kathy

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When we are experiencing trials, God is faithful. When circumstances in life become unbearable, God is faithful. When sadness takes over our spirits, God is faithful.

Our life journey is filled with obstacles, stones in the road, a pathway strewn with stumbling blocks. No one gets through life on an easy, clear path, at least no one that I have ever known. All of us face challenges that have the power to stop us in our tracks.

But the miracle remains. We get through. We overcome the obstacles. We navigate the rocky path. We climb the most treacherous mountains. We continue the journey and we don’t give up. The reason can be found in the tenth chapter of 1 Corinthians.

God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it.

  • 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 New English Translation

So I plan to move forward on the journey, slow and steady steps, avoiding the stones in the road. I can do that because God is faithful to not let me endure more than I can handle.

“Great Is Thy Faithfulness” is a beloved hymn that has provided comfort through the ages:

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God, my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee.
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not.
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness; Great is Thy faithfulness;
Morning by morning, new mercies I see.
All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

I hope you will take a moment to listen to this comforting hymn at this YouTube link:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1nmKHfjp8WE&autoplay=1

Grace, Uncategorized

Stumbling Upon Grace

Rev Kathy

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Life can sometimes find us in a stumbling mess of confusion. But God’s blessing is that we are stumbling upon varying degrees of grace in every moment. It is grace that empowers us. It is grace that gives us strength to move forward. It is grace that saves us from ourselves. It is grace that helps us deal with discouragement. John R. W. Scott wrote that “grace is love that cares and stoops and rescues.”

I have lived a great many years, struggling through parts of life, racing like the wind through others. Something made the difference in my ability to run with the wind during times when I was weary and weak. I believe that the difference was grace, grace that always has the final word, grace that calls out to us and nudges us onward when we’re afraid to move, grace that is an overwhelming and undeserved gift from God that enables us to live, change and grow.

Living on daily dialysis, waiting for a possible kidney transplant, living a long way from my child and my grandchildren, struggling with medical expenses, dealing with failing health, becoming aware of my mortality . . . The list could go on and on. Yet, I am okay. I enjoy my life. As the beloved hymn says, “it is well with my soul.” That’s because grace lights my darkened world and fills my soul with eternal hope.

I rest on this timeless quote by Thomas Adams (1612-1653):

“Grace comes into the soul, as the morning sun into the world; first a dawning, then a light; and at last the sun in its full and excellent brightness.”

So I am continuing to stumble through life, but I am stumbling upon grace.

Uncategorized

Tiny Miracles!

Rev Kathy

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They are tiny miracles. And they have delightfully taken over my yard. The hummingbirds are back, and they are so welcome here. Three of them tussled over one feeder yesterday afternoon, even though there are four feeders in our yard. They are truly delightful to watch. They really are tiny feathered miracles with the rapid, dynamic beating of their wings during hovering and their quick fast forward flight.

I read today that hummingbirds consume more than their own weight in nectar each day, and to do so they must visit hundreds of flowers. Hummingbirds are continuously hours away from starving to death and are able to store just enough energy to survive overnight.

Enough hummingbird trivia. For me, the beauty of a hummingbird is in its unusual markings and in its elegant flight. Watching them helps me forget myself, delighting in their movement, letting go of my daily worries, enjoying the sight of their whirring wings.

When the hummingbirds come, I always think of the poetry of Sanober Khan.

may my faith always be
at the end of the day

like a hummingbird . . . returning
to its favorite flower.

― Sanober Khan, Turquoise Silence

It’s a good word about faith, reminding me to return to my faith every day, through sunshine and shadow . . . reminding me that no matter what assails me, at the end of the day, faith is still within me. It’s another miracle!

Uncategorized

Tethered

Rev Kathy

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I am tethered by several feet of tubing attached to a dialysis machine for eight hours every day. I am also facing the possibility of a kidney transplant. That should be wonderful news. Instead, it’s causing great fear in me.

What do I fear? Pain, weakness, difficult recovery, taking powerful anti-rejection drugs . . . and probably a few unspoken fears. My doctor says that a transplant will mean a longer life and a better quality of life. And yet, I seem to be content with a steady life marked with daily dialysis, remaining tethered to tubing and a dialysis machine.

Preparing myself for a transplant feels like taking a chance on a better life in spite of the risks. It feels like daring to try for a future that is better than the present. It feels like trying a mighty thing, moving forward and calling up all the courage I can muster.

Theodore Roosevelt spoke of daring mighty things one of his speeches – “The Strenuous Life” – given in 1899 in Chicago.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

Perhaps a kidney transplant does not really qualify as a mighty thing. Yet the quote speaks to me about not being content to “live in the gray twilight” and instead daring to take a risk. It encourages me to move forward, to try for a greater quality of life, to take a chance for a longer life, and to get rid of my safe tether.