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Just read the daily news . . . love is in short supply. Gun violence continues to assail us. The disdain among people with differing political opinions is rampant. There is a sense of homophobia, xenophobia, racism, and generally a hatred for people who are “not the same” as we are. We want it to be different. And yet, we feel helpless about how to make it so.

And then, even beyond societal hatred, there are individuals who feel discarded and unloved. There is nothing more devastating to the human spirit than to feel unloved. The Bible assures us that there is a love that is beyond all others in the book of Romans.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:37-39

God’s love or us is unending and eternal. When all about us is rife with hatred, we can rest in God’s gracious love, always. Blessed Julian of Norwich wrote these comforting words:

Our soul is so specially loved by a God, who is the highest,that it goes far beyond the ability of any creature to realize it . . . There is no creature who can realize how much, how sweetly, and how tenderly our maker loves us. And therefore, we can, with God’s grace and God’s help, stand in Spirit, gazing with endless wonder at this lofty, unmeasurable love.

Today, no matter what is going on around you, may you “gaze with endless wonder at God’s lofty, unmeasurable love.

Sometimes dreams are tossed and blown. Sometimes you must walk dark pathways. Throughout the years, I have listened to hundreds of people telling stories of their broken dreams. One of those people lost custody of her children through no fault of her own. The court placed her children with their abuser, and she languished for years without them. Any dreams that she had ever had for her children were shattered.

She fought the court, many times alone, and without help or comfort. To this very day, she struggles to be allowed to spend time with her children. I have watched her persevere, never giving up, no matter how alone she felt.

Tragically, her story is not an unusual one. I have counseled many mothers who lived similar stories. Statistically, there is no good news. Abusive parents are more likely to seek sole custody of their children than nonviolent ones, and they are successful about 70% of the time.  (American Psychological Association, Violence And The Family: Report Of The American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force On Violence And The Family, (1996), available at http://www.apa.org/pi/viol&fam.html)

Always, I found it nearly impossible to comfort a protective mother who had lost her children. They each walked a very dark and lonely path, through storms of the spirit. Remedies to help them get their children back most often failed. So I was left with only one message: that no matter what, God would walk beside them through it all.

When you pray, please remember the mother I mentioned in this post. She struggles still, and would appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts. She is a courageous woman who only wants the best for her children. Here is what she expressed recently:

God is doing great things through me! I’m happy to be the face of justice and change for victims of corruption. The only thing a caring parent should ever have to do if they fear for their child’s life or safety is pick up a phone or drive to a facility. What’s been done here is a disgrace to what our country was founded upon. It makes me extremely disappointed in our system, and angry enough to join [in the struggle] in hopes of change.

I know, beyond a doubt, that she does not walk alone. There is a song that has always been very meaningful to me and to many others. These are the lyrics:

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high, and don’t be afraid of the dark. At the end of the storm is a golden sky, and the sweet silver song of the lark.
Walk on through the wind. Walk on through the rain, though your dreams be tossed and blown. Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart, and you’ll never walk alone.

Listen to “You’ll Never Walk Alone” at this link:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xSmUe4RX7xE

The Scripture is filled with women who are leaders and role models, women who have qualities we should emulate, women who have stories to tell. The following vignettes describe only a few of them.

May you have the wisdom and courage of Deborah!

Deborah, a judge of Israel, was a speaker of wisdom. Deborah was a prophetess, but when war came she led the out-numbered and badly-equipped Israelite troops to a great victory. It was a David and Goliath situation. She chose the most able military general and told him what he must do. (Judges 4:1-11, 5:1-18).

May you have the strong faith and the close relationship with Jesus that sisters Mary and Martha had!

Mary and Martha entertained Jesus in their home. They were friends who had many conversations with Jeses. Later on, Their brother Lazarus was dangerously ill, and in desperation, Martha and Mary sent for Jesus. He delayed coming, and in the meantime Lazarus died. When Jesus arrived, both Martha and Mary reproached him for not coming sooner. But Martha also made an extraordinary statement of her faith in Jesus, that Jesus could raise her brother from death. Jesus went to the tomb, prayed, and called to Lazarus. Lazarus came out, alive, from the tomb. (John 11:1-44)

May you be courageous enough to save a life like Miriam did When she saved her baby brother, Moses, and also be spontaneous enough to sing and dance during hard times!

Miriam became the leader of the Hebrew women when they and their families escaped from Egypt. On one occasion she and the women sang the Song of Miriam; it is one of the few poems that survived from the ancient world. (Exodus 15:20-21)

May you have the resilience of Tamar who endured being raped by her brother and yet went on to live a full life!

Her father could not say ‘no’ to his children, especially the sons, and they grew up unruly and lawless. When they hurt other people or did great damage, he let them get away with it. There were tragic results when their lawlessness got out of hand – as it did when the girl-child Tamar was raped by her half-brother Amnon. Tamar went on to live a full life, and her brother, David, named his daughter after her. So her niece was Princess Tamar. (2 Samuel 13)

May you live your life like the aging prophetess, Anna, who recognized Jesus as an infant in the temple, proclaimed him the Messiah, and began to praise him!

Anna was constantly at the Temple, day and night. Prayer in the Temple was the focus of her whole life. She was a holy woman concentrating all her remaining energy on communion with God. At one moment described in Luke’s gospel, Anna stepped forward and, overcome with sublime joy, began praising God for what she knows has happened. She ‘saw’ what others could not see. Her reaction was immediate and dramatic: she spoke in as loud voice, telling anyone near her about this extraordinary child. Here, in front of their eyes, was the Messiah who would bring redemption. (Luke 2:38-39)

May you believe, as the Samaritan Women did, and then share your beliefs with others who also come to believe!

Jesus and his disciples stopped at a roadside well. He met a Samaritan woman. She questioned him boldly and became convinced that he was the Messiah. She then went back to her town and told everyone about Jesus. Many believe. (John 4:1-26)

May you be faithful to the end as was Mary Magdalene, who was the first to tell her world that Jesus had risen from the dead!

Mary Magdalene was present in each of the four accounts of the crucifixion and death of Jesus. All four gospels mention her, faithful to the end. Mary watched as Jesus’ body was sealed inside the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea. She confirmed that he was really dead. She and the other women prepared the spices needed for proper burial of Mary Magdalene was at the empty tomb on Easter morning. She witnessed the resurrection. On Easter morning Mary found that Jesus’ body was no longer in the tomb. She was the first person to witness the resurrection, a world-changing event. She is called “Apostle to the Apostles,” since the risen Jesus told her to “go and tell.” (Mark 15:40-41, Luke 23:49, Matthew 27:55-56, John 19:25)

Reality or vision, this we have seen. If it had lasted but another moment, it might have held forever! But the world rolled back into its place, and we are here. And all that radiance lies forlorn, as if it had never stirred.

These words written by Edwin Muir in “The Transfiguration” describe for me a moment, just a brief moment, when I am able to transcend my daily grind. It describes a moment of ecstasy, and how such moments so quickly end. Consider the story of the transfiguration of Jesus.

Six days later Jesus took with Him Peter and James and John his brother, and led them up on a high mountain by themselves. And He was transfigured before them; and His face shone like the sun, and His garments became as white as light. And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, talking with Him. Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here; if You wish, I will make three tabernacles here, one for You, and one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” While he was still speaking, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and behold, a voice out of the cloud said, “This is My beloved Son, with whom I am well-pleased; listen to Him!” When the disciples heard this, they fell face down to the ground and were terrified. And Jesus came to them and touched them and said, “Get up, and do not be afraid.” And lifting up their eyes, they saw no one except Jesus Himself alone.                                               – Matthew 17:1-8. New American Standard Bible (NASB)

What an astounding experience for Peter, James and John, an experience they would never forget. The Bible says that they fell to the ground, face down, in terror. And then the same One who had just been transfigured miraculously before them, now touched them with a gentle human touch and said, “Do not be afraid.”

I imagine that Peter, James and John were dramatically changed by this experience, that their souls were filled with awe . . . for a while. But like all humans, they soon went back to life as usual.

Yes, we do on occasion experience moments of spiritual ecstasy, small, radiant miracles that leave us in awe of the greatness of God. But the miracles are fleeting miracles. We don’t stay in those moments for very long, and as Edwin Muir said, “the world rolls back into its place, and all that radiance lies forlorn, as if it had never stirred.”

A Transfiguration Prayer

Take us up to the mountain, O God! And let us see the Christ transfigured.

Lead us up to the mountaintop when confusion rages within us and our anger releases its fury, For there on the mountain, the days and nights of our inner chaos can transform.

We know, God, that even in holy moments, we may find nothing. But we also know that we may find ourselves, or see the face of hope, or experience a fleeting miracle. So help us, God, to keep holy moments and divine appointments.

Help us keep holy moments, that the presence of Your Spirit might dwell with us in double measure. Help us see the light of glory, and, with great joy, behold on the mountain peak the purest light of all.

And then, with hope in our hearts and without fear, help us move with courage toward an even greater glory by following you through the valley of shadows. Amen.

I wonder at times what the future holds. I can contemplate that for only a moment, because thinking about it longer than that frightens me. Will I be alone? Will my health continue to deteriorate? Will I experience financial hardship? Will aging get the best of me?

So you see why I can only spend a very short time contemplating such questions. They are all about the future, and no one can predict the future. We are not even sure we will have a future. And the past is just a basket full of memories, some good, some not so good.

What we do have is now, this present moment with all its possibilities. In this moment, we have the power to choose. We can make this moment whatever we can dream. We can make it life-giving. Life is available only in the present moment. “If you abandon the present moment, you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

The Bible is full of wisdom on living the present moment to the fullest.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:34, NIV

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:18-19, NIV

Whereas you know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away. – James 4:14, KJV

Psychologist Abraham Maslow taught that the ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) wrote about the present moment in his ‘Self Reliance’ essay in 1841:

 . . . man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives . . . in the present.

Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift. The truth is that the happiest people are those who are completely present, who can give all of their attention to the present opportunity. Psychology calls it mindfulness, a state of active, open attention on the present. Mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to one’s present experience.

As you go about your day, be grateful for the fullness of each moment. Experience peace with your past, trust for your future, and embrace joy in your present moment.

May God grant you the gift of now.
Amen.

Being one with God seems like a difficult thing to do, downright impossible, in fact. We pray, we read the Bible, we listen for God’s voice, but there is nothing. Not a sound! Not a divine transcendent moment! Not a feeling of awe! There is nothing!

No wonder we find it so hard to make time for meditation and prayer. There seems to be nothing in it for us. And yet, our faith tells us that God is ever near. Our faith convinces us that God is with us.

The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth.       – Psalm 145:2

I have no sure-fire formula for meeting up with God. But I do know that we have the mind to know God, the wisdom to find God, the patience to wait on God, and the ever-present hope of finally embracing God. The prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas is one that I speak during my times of meditation. Perhaps you, too, will find it uplifting.

Grant me, O Lord my God, a mind to know you, a heart to seek you, wisdom to find you, conduct pleasing to you, faithful perseverance in waiting for you, and a hope of finally embracing you. – St. Thomas Aquinas

In the end, we lean on our faith and do our best to find God. And sometimes we discover that God really is near, that God is before us, behind us, beside us, under us, over us . . . within us through the Holy Spirit.

Still all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee.
Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!
– Sarah F. Adams, 1841

Listen to “Nearer, My God, to Thee” on YouTube.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PKsr49csFYk&autoplay=1

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. – James 1:17

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The LORD’S lovingkindness indeed never ceases, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.… Lamentations 3:21-23

We have a faithful God whose lovingkindness never ceases, whose compassions never fail, whose faithfulness is new every morning. This is a God in whom there is no variableness, no shadow of turning. We can count on it in sunshine and in shadow.

As of yesterday, I have been out of the hospital for a full year. Yet, in 2014, I spent at least a third of the year in the hospital. I am very grateful for my health this year. Yes, my kidneys have failed; I have dialysis every day; and I am being evaluated for a kidney transplant. But what I know from my experience with serious illness followed by relatively good health is that, through it all, God has been faithful.

I love the way the hymn says it: “Thou changeth not; Thy compassions they fail not. As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.”

Thanks be to a faithful God.

Listen to the hymn “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” on YouTube.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fzntMXAGTVA&autoplay=1

Struggling for justice and mercy is not easy. Kelly Renee Gissendaner, who was executed in Georgia despite a plea for mercy from Pope Francis, sang “Amazing Grace” until she was given a lethal injection. She was put to death at 12:21 a.m. Wednesday after a flurry of last-minute appeals failed, the first women to be executed in Georgia in seventy years.

This blog will neither affirm nor condemn the death penalty. Rather, it will mark this execution for its historical, moral, ethical and spiritual significance. For after seventy years, it is a significant event.

Like thousands of others, I kept vigil in my home last night, praying, waiting for word, and hoping that Georgia’s Supreme Court, the U.S. Supreme Court or a federal appeals court would affirm requests for a stay of execution.

Jeff Hullinger, a journalist with NBC station WXIA who witnessed the execution, later told reporters that Gissendaner appeared “very, very emotional.” He added: “She was crying and then she was sobbing and then broke into song as well as into a number of apologies … When she was not singing, she was praying.”

Thousands pleaded for mercy. Others called for justice. In times like these, we must hope that justice and mercy is always a struggle for our nation and for us, as individuals.

“…whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” Romans 14:8

“. . . Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering . . . and all for your love’s sake. Amen.” ~ From the Book of Common Prayer

May each of us find comfort in listening to the hymn, “Amazing Grace” on YouTube.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2arm5ydeJc

All around me are people. All about me is my work. There is always so much to do, so many important things on my plate. With a full and bright career, I have been blessed. But when the work day is over, I face my loneliness. I face my losses. I acknowledge that those who loved me are simply not around anymore.

This wasn’t my life plan, not what I would have chosen for myself. Yet, it is reality. It is raw and it is lonely. I wonder where to turn, but in the state I am currently in, there is nowhere to turn, no one who can help. I am in this place alone.

Even the words of the Psalmist don’t seem to help that much: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3 NIV

The comfort of friends doesn’t help much. Prayer doesn’t help much. Tears don’t help much. Even working my fingers to the bone doesn’t help me forget that I feel so alone. Still, I am comforted when I meditate on these words in 2 Corinthians and in Romans 8.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9; 18
For I believe that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18-23

Whenever I am feeling loneliness and despair, I think of these verses from the Bible, and I remember the words of the hymn, “Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.”

Listen to the hymn “Come, Ye Disconsolate” on YouTube:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?autoplay=1&v=mNqzhfB4y1I

The weather has been dreary and rainy for several days. Looking out the window reminds one more of winter than fall. There is none of that October’s bright blue weather that marks the autumn season. Leaves are not changing colors yer. It has been drizzling rain all day and all night. My husband says, “It’s not really raining. There’s just rain in the air.” Even more disconcerting is that Accuweather doesn’t forecast the least chance of sunshine for over a week.

Weather can be a bit depressing at times, especially if you want to be outdoors in the sunshine planting pansies and mums, walking through a corn maze, or browsing a pumpkin patch.

Research seems to confirm the weather’s effect on a person’s mood. For instance, researcher Marie Connolly (2013) found that women who were interviewed on days “with more rain . . . reported statistically and substantively decreasing life satisfaction.” On days with lower temperatures and no rain, the same subjects reported higher life satisfaction.

There are so many things that cause us to have situational depression, and many of them are serious. The weather should not be one of them. People often say, “Get over it!” Where the weather is concerned, that might not be bad advice. The weather is as changeable as the moments in a day. I believe that we can just accept the weather we are having, find it within ourselves to embrace the changeable weather, and chalk it up to God’s marvelous and complex earth.

Still, the Psalmist shares the remedy for depression. He acknowledges it as real, and he hints at the seriousness of a soul that is cast down. But he also admonishes us to hope in God, a God who knows our emotions, cares about our souls, and offers us fresh hope no matter what the weather does.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I again shall praise him, my Savior and my God. – Psalm 42:11

After he was cut by his high school basketball team, he went home, locked himself in his room, and cried. Even Michael Jordan knew what it felt like to fail. As a teenager, Michael Jordan experienced a wounded soul. Oh, he probably prepared himself physically to try again, and he likely steeled his emotions to push himself to succeed, but I have a notion that without soul, he might never have become the superstar he was. He could not have made it with a crushed soul. Somewhere along the way he cared for his soul, and it healed from that early rejection.

It is very important that I learn to care for my soul, because it is the very center of who I am and who I may become. Care of the soul is not complicated, but neither is it easy. It takes alone time, time for meditation, time for self-reflection. It takes prayer and personal worship. It takes recognizing the beauty around me and breathing deeply. It takes avoiding the things that wound the soul . . . exposure to violence, noise, holding anger, seeking revenge, constant busy-ness.

In his book “Care of the Soul’, Thomas Moore says that “loss of soul” is a critical malady of the twentieth century. When we neglect our souls, the repercussions are “addictions, obsessions, violence, and loss of meaning.”

Caring for my soul is important for my spiritual, emotional and physical health. Caring for my soul is one of life’s necessities.

Macrina Wiederkehr shares a great deal of wisdom about the care of the soul. She writes about it in “Gold in Your Memories.”

There is a way that the soul can get crowded out of one’s day. The soul is a bit shy and does not demand center stage. She lives a life of her own, and yet there are soulprints in every fiber of your being, even in things you’ve forgotten. The soul is the keeper of memories. She knows where beauty is stored. She contains the memories of your entire life. Deep in your unconscious she stands guard. If you are in need of a particular memory she can reveal it to you and help you to bear both the beauty and the pain. She knows all about the gold in your memories. 

I plan to make one promise to myself: to make room in every day for the care of my soul. It really is important that I learn to listen to the song of my soul. It’s music directs my way and makes for a pleasant passage.

I am waiting excitedly for the next season, looking for cooler, brisker breezes, looking at the leaves on every tree for any sign of color change. Autumn is my favorite time of year, so I watch for the season to begin its grand display

The golds, the burgundies, the rust colors are all welcomed sights to me. So soon it will be a season in full force, with bonfires, hay rides, corn mazes, pumpkin patches, and nice warm cups of tea. Autumn is s comforting season, a time for getting ready to create new holiday memories around a thanksgiving feast.

Marina Wiederkehr writes of other kinds of seasons, the seasons of the heart. Her writing teaches us that there are seasons within our hearts, seasons that change as life changes. This is what she expresses:

The seasons of my heart change like the seasons of the fields. There are seasons of wonder and hope, seasons of suffering and love, seasons of healing. There are seasons of dying and rising, seasons of faith.
― Macrina Wiederkehr, “Seasons of Your Heart: Prayers and Reflections, Revised and Expanded”

I welcome the seasons of my heart as something that makes me know I am fully alive and completely engaged with my emotions and my spirituality. Knowing the changes of the heart’s seasons and embracing them as they come is a healthy state of being. Thanks be to God for a heart that is changeable and welcoming of every emotion.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive, and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor and some style.”            – Maya Angelou

I have asked myself many times how I would survive end stage kidney disease. There were a few times when I actually believed I would not survive. In 2014, the picture for me was dismal, and on several occasions, which I have no memory of, my husband thought he had lost me.

Now, a year later, I am thriving. I am living life with a passion I never thought possible. I feel like I am a small miracle, and I am facing life with big hope.

I know the reason for all this. Without any doubt, I believe that my health is a product of prayer. When I got sick, I was serving on staff at New Millennium Church in Little Rock, Arkansas. That congregation, and my pastor, Wendell Griffen, literally prayed me to renewed health and new life. There are no words that can describe the many ways they cared for me. But they did something even greater for me. They modeled the power of prayer, something I believed in, but had little experience with.

I am convinced that my current relationship with God, one that I nurture every morning, is a direct result of New Millennium’s faith and action. They taught me a lot about approaching God and abiding with God. When I moved away, and was without them, I did face a personal crisis of faith. In that time I learned a timeless truth, “When other helpers fail and comforts flee, Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.”

I often remember the text of the hymn, “Abide with Me.”

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide;
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see—
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour;
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s pow’r?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness;
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies;
Heav’n’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Please listen to this hymn on YouTube at this link:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?autoplay=1&v=i5nbq_VEea0

There’s no shame is feeling small, but it can feel uncomfortable. So many things in life diminish us, making us feel small and insignificant. Losing a job can do it. Being treated poorly in a relationship can do it. Retirement from a successful career can do it. Feeling small just happens sometimes. It helps me to remember this quote from Aeschylus, “From a small seed a mighty trunk may grow.”

I watched a hummingbird outside my kitchen window this morning. He is the smallest of the hummingbirds that come to our feeders. He is a beautiful hummingbird, clothed in green and black iridescent feathers.

Amazingly, hummingbirds flap their wings about 80 times per second, and their heart rate is 1,260 beats per minute. Hummingbirds can fly right, left, up, down, backwards, and even upside down. They are also able to hover by flapping their wings in a figure-8 pattern.

Hummingbirds are among the smallest of birds, most species measuring between three to five inches. In fact, the smallest is the bee hummingbird, which weighs less than a U.S. penny. And yet, the hummingbird makes perhaps the longest migratory journey of any bird in the world. At just over 3 in long, feisty Rufous hummingbirds travel 3,900-miles one-way.

There is a lesson here for those of us who have days when we feel small and insignificant. It’s a common feeling for those of us who once had busy, exciting careers, and now find retirement to be a bit difficult. I have heard some of my friends speak this kind of discontent in various ways . . . “I feel used.” “I feel discarded.” “I feel small.”

I definitely understand feeling small, which is why I love the wisdom of Immanuel Kant who said, “Look closely. The beautiful may be small.”

Today is my birthday. I don’t want to be alone. Instead, I want all of my friends around me for a grand party. That, of course, isn’t going to happen. But it did cause me to think about being alone, something I used to dread. These days, living far away from my son, my grandchildren and my long-time friends, I am learning how to be alone.

Sometimes, this journey we call life is a lonely one. It feels as if we are traveling alone, without a companion, without a comforter. What we hold inside remains silent, because we honestly believe that there is no one to hear us. The inner pain we sometimes experience remains hidden, because we believe that no one will listen to our laments. The journey can indeed be lonely.

But I love the words of Paul Tillich, who speaks of solitude as opposed to loneliness, who refers to aloneness as both pain and glory.

Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.
― Paul Tillich

How do we find the glory of being alone, that state of being that welcomes solitude as a way to better know ourselves and to more fully draw near to God? I believe it takes time, a bit of discipline, and a great deal of prayer. With that, we will find that solitude is a cherished way to be, a way to grow and change from inside the depths of our soul.

Though we often feel we need another person to talk to, perhaps we don’t, at least sometimes. Being alone can be important. It can be that glorious time when we feel at peace with ourselves and we can speak without voice.

Paul Tillich wrote:

We can speak without voice to the trees and the clouds and the waves of the sea. Without words, they respond through the rustling of leaves and the moving of clouds and the murmuring of the sea.

We have to be alone, in solitude, to hear it . . . the rustling of leaves, the moving of clouds, the murmuring of the sea. That is the glory of being alone.

My lips shall greatly rejoice when I sing unto thee; and my soul, which thou hast redeemed.  – Psalm 71:23 KJV

What does it really mean for the soul to sing? It’s obviously more than a vocal act. It is more than rejoicing with our lips. It is a song that arises from the very depths of our spiritual center. It doesn’t require singing on key or having a beautiful, clear tone. It has to do only with the soul.

I recall the words of the great hymn of faith:

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee. How great Thou art! How great Thou art!

The song of the soul is almost too much for our finite minds to comprehend. I doubt that we do it often. Rather, we are too often occupied with the very things that steal our music. Worry. Frustration. Despondency. Overwork. Anger. Fear . . .

The list could go on and on. But there is a remedy, an act that opens our soul and fills us with song. It is the act of prayer, prayer that includes talking to God, meditating on God, considering the works of God, leaning on the power of God, listening to God, waiting for the touch of the Spirit.

If we enter into that kind of prayer, our souls will sing.

O Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee. How great Thou art! How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee. How great Thou art! How great Thou art!
Listen to “How Great Thou Art” on YouTube at this link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OC8484T7KyU&autoplay=1

Like many home dialysis patients, I have a care partner that I could never do without. A care partner is a special person who helps me with my at-home treatments and my health needs in general. It would be impossible to list all the ways that he supports me, but here are just a few:

He sets up my home dialysis equipment every night.
He helps me with the entire treatment.
He takes me to my dialysis center twice every month for checkups.
He runs our errands.
He picks up my medications, orders them, and fills my pill box every week.
He keeps up with all of my insurance details.
He washes our clothes.
He orders my dialysis supplies.
He cleans house.
He loves and supports me.

I was right. I simply cannot list all the ways my husband, Fred, supports and cares for me. In 2014, when I was extremely ill and in the hospital for over 50 days, he kept vigil at my bedside, while also handling every household task. He built hand railings in our house and installed safety bars in our shower for when I got home. He even cooked and served my meals.

How would I ever find the words to thank him for all he does?

I am shamelessly using this blog post to say, “Thank you. I love you more than life itself.”

Whenever you think of me and pray for my health, please pray for Fred, too. It takes an awful lot of his strength and energy to care for me.

I have been thinking that, in spite of my poor physical health, I am fortunate that, spiritually and emotionally, I am well. That thought brings to mind one of my favorite hymns, “It Is Well with My Soul.” The words of this hymn were born of tragedy.

Economic and Personal tragedies struck Horatio Spafford and his family in a way that could well have turned someone away from God, but Spafford took the tragedies of his life and turned them into a heartfelt expression that would become a beloved hymn. Spafford lived with his family in Chicago. He had earned a good living and made several investments in real estate. In 1871, he and his wife Anna lost their only son to Scarlet Fever. Then the Great Chicago Fire destroyed most of his real estate holdings.

About two years later, Spafford decided to take an overseas trip with his family. However, business matters kept him behind, so he sent his wife Anna and their four daughters ahead on the journey. The trip turned tragic when the ship they were on was struck by a large industrial ship, taking the lives of 226 passengers, including all four of the Spafford daughters, Annie, Bessie, Tanetta and Maggie. Horatio’s wife, Anna, survived. When she arrived in England, she sent a chilling telegram to her husband with only two words, “Saved Alone”.

It would be two years before Horatio would sail to England to rejoin his wife. While on the voyage across the ocean, he was made aware of the very spot where the accident had occurred, taking the lives of his four daughters. There he penned the words to the song, “It Is Well With My Soul.”

We are truly blessed if we can say, in spite of every life tragedy, it is well with my soul. I hope you will receive a blessing from reading some of the words of this hymn and listening to the YouTube version at the link below.

“It Is Well with My Soul”
Words by: Horatio Gates Spafford, 1873.
Music by: Philip Paul Bliss, 1876.

When peace, like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
“It is well, it is well with my soul”

It is well (it is well) with my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

And Lord haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I8l6tuCRcAg&autoplay=1

Each morning, I begin my morning ritual of waking before dawn and watching the sunrise. It is the best part of my day, waiting for the fresh, new morning and watching for the brilliant rays of light rising in the east.

One of the philosophers I read often, the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, reminds me of the beauty of the earth. His words can be found in a collection of personal writings known as the Meditations.

When I am feeling despondent or discouraged, the writings of Marcus Aurelius often lift me up to a better place emotionally. Not that any one person has all the answers to life’s questions, but his writing takes me to a place of introspection. And that is a healing place for me to be.

Lately, I have had concerns about my upcoming evaluation for a kidney transplant. I wonder where that might take me and how I will feel. I wonder about experiencing debilitating physical weakness again. In reality, I am worrying about something that is far into the future and might never happen.

A better way to live is found in the admonitions of Marcus Aurelius:

When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love . . . Dwell on the beauty of life.
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

I don’t know about you, but I plan to do some life-giving things in the next few weeks:  1. Arise every morning thinking of what a privilege it is to be alive.  2. Think, enjoy and love as hard as I can.  3. Dwell on the beauty of life.
I think it’s a good plan for me. If you are feeling discouraged, meet God in the morning and watch for the sunrise. I’ll be doing the same.

Who made the great lights— His love endures forever.
the sun to govern the day, His love endures forever.

He is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings grass from the earth.

Psalm 136:7-8; 2 Samuel 23:4

Anxiety is a reality of life. It can come upon you like a thief in the night, robbing you of your sense of well-being. I can name dozens of anxiety-producing circumstances in my life: my kidney disease, my son, my grandchildren, financial issues, my husband’s health. The list could go on and on.

Admittedly, the sources of anxiety are diminishing in a very real way, because my life has settled into a predictable and comfortable pattern. My anxiety is smaller because I have a village that supports me. My anxiety is less troublesome because I am slowly learning to lean on God more fully. My anxiety is less because I am learning how to enjoy nature and the simple things of life.

My anxiety is lessening because my previous career is over, and because of that, I have given up the feeling that I am responsible for changing the world, caring for every victim of violence, protecting every abused child, and making sure that perpetrators get what they deserve.

I lived most of my life under the delusion that I could actually do all of that, and every time I failed, anxiety took over my being. It was not a good way to live. Fortunately, those years are over, and in the past two years, I have learned the most valuable lesson of all, and it is found in the words of the Psalmist in the 94th Psalm.

If the Lord had not been my help,
my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.
When I thought, “My foot slips,”
your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.
When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul . . .
The Lord has become my stronghold,
and my God the rock of my refuge.

There is a beautiful hymn that speaks of hiding my soul in the cleft of the rock and of God’s hand covering me. You may want to listen to the hymn on YouTube at this link:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8VtZjZOpIgU&autoplay=1